Journal 10/1/09 The unexpected...

Domain 2 Personal Development
The student whose last day was supposed to be today, didn't show up. The bus driver said when they dropped him off yesterday, they said they were moving last night or something (at least, he wouldn't need a ride in the morning). So, even though we had a little goodbye "party" planned for him today, we didn't get to send him off or say goodbye.

One of my other 1st graders is out sick so that left me with just one. Sometimes I have thought to myself how nice it would be if I only had a few students - easier day, get more done, etc, but I have not enjoyed it today at all. It's too slow of pace, and basically, I am bored. I guess there was no way of knowing this would happen, but perhaps in my future classroom (if I am in a special ed classroom) I should have folders for each students of activities we can do if only a few are at school on a given day - more intensive, individualized, one-on-one instruction - take full advantage of the opportunity. Sometime to consider, I guess.

I think inside, too, I'm bummed about the little boy moving. I haven't really reflected on it too much, but I know once I do, the reality will set in. I know that students will come and go throughout my career, and obviously, I am leaving this placement next week, but just knowing that I will probably never see him again. He won't be here to come and visit or to get updates about...and the situation he is in...he's such a sweetheart. Such a bright little boy; I just pray God places a caring, amazing, wonderful teacher in his path. One that will challenge him and introduce him to so much more than he experienced even here in this safe environment.

My teacher at lunch said that she went out of the room this morning to get out her tears. She intrigues me so. She's appears to be a pretty tough woman, but on the inside, she is just as emotional and breakable as we all are. I thought it was interesting that she mentioned it to me. I've also been reflecting on the fact that I can lift this student up in prayer and trust God with him, while she probably does not choose to do that...it makes a big difference in how you look at it. This got me to thinking about my witness here. I wonder if my teacher believes I am truly a Christian...that I love the Lord. It's been so hard to share faith when I'm trying to be so careful to respect her opinions and beliefs and not be "pushy", but I feel like I haven't shared that part of me at all, which should be all of me...but I want to be a teacher that shares God's love just by being a teacher in a school, living day-to-day...because that is a hard calling, so I guess this is a lesson learned and this semester will be a growing experience in that area. Perhaps I will learn a lot about this from my next teacher because she is a Christian (or at least from what she shared with me).

I worked with the student with an emotional disability at the end of school...he stares off into space and focuses on other things just to get attention it appears. So I tried/try to ignore him. I think he would just be trained to not get all that attention when does not focus, maybe he would just start naturally doing his work. He is spoon fed. He asked me questions like, "If the part before or the part after the definition?" Which, to me, just shows he has been given that information...it's almost like a bitter sweet situation to work with him. I don't enjoy it because he is not where he should be, but I don't credit that to him fully, but it's nice to be able to give him a few minutes without yelling and getting mad.