Journal 9/25/09 Processing...

Domain 2 Personal Development

It was interesting today because a man from the Triangle at school came to take my picture for my internship this summer (he wanted one of me "in action" as a teacher). When he was here, it was almost like Mrs. Kirk became completely different...responding to the boys unlike she usually does, not in a bad way but it was like she was trying to defend her class...if that makes sense. I know that having someone in the room always makes us want to be and do our best. I was trying to be mindful and that and just be me; it's always scary when all eyes are on you, and you know it. I know that after I've been teaching for awhile, that won't matter that much. But, come to think of it, I think even when you've been here, it's been like that. Again, just something I've noticed...how teachers automatically want to start "defending" their classes/rooms. I think that is the best word to describe it right now, for lack of a better one.

I hope that I can apply this and always be consistant no matter what...it's a hard lesson when other eyes are on you, but God's eyes are always on me.

When my 4th grader came down for my help, Mrs. Kirk took him, so I told her that today he has earned a SPONGEBOB DAY and that we would not be doing work. She still took him and tried finishing a paper. In those few short moments, I got scared for that student because I'm afraid he is going to get "helped" too much. He knows his stuff...I'm afraid he is going to get info fed to him; I know I already talked about this, but it just jumped out to me again today. She also asked me what we would do about all his work, and I told her that he always has work and that it could just wait until Monday. I wasn't 100% if we would do any work today, but I know, or at least, I hope he was looking forward to this free day and that is the whole purpose of a behavior plan...to stick with it. He deserved it. It was intersting to me that she didn't really respect that, and it seemed because she wanted to get the work done. I guess that's it for most of the kids down here; it's about getting the work done, not about learning...(just processing)...at least from my observations. It sounds so negative to talk like that. I think I am just ready to move from this placement and not just because of all this but because I am just ready to have my own class - a classroom full of learning and all that goes along with that! My time will come. Patience...perseverence...faithfulness...

I don't know if this will work, but I would just like to be observed doing every day normal stuff, so could you just randomly show up when it's convenient for you and whatever we are doing at the time, you can observe me doing that? 9:30-10:30 is out of the question and then 11:20-12:30 is also out. Other than that, whenever you want to come...does that sound good?

Have a grrrrrrrrrreat weekend! Enjoy the beauty of the rain!